


Birdcage

by localpharmacist



Series: The Scream In Your Throat [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But nothing happened, Crying, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kageyama Tobio's Aunt - Freeform, Kinda, M/M, Making Up, Mentioned Hinata Shouyou, Mentioned Yachi Hitoka, Mentioned Yamaguchi Tadashi, Murder, Non-Graphic Violence, Thriller
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28396326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localpharmacist/pseuds/localpharmacist
Summary: He prayed to the Gods that he once abandoned. He prayed that both him and Tsukishima would be able to get through this situation together.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Series: The Scream In Your Throat [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020277
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is actually not the final part. I have an explanation, I swear. But please, I hope you'll be able to enjoy this one as well!

He remembered opening his eyes, but he did not remember falling asleep. He didn't think he did, actually. He had watched the moon falling back to its sleep as the sun took over the sky, though he didn't exactly see them. The sunlight was mostly blocked by the curtains, but he knew it was already bright outside. The light was peeking from the bottom of the dark grey curtains, spilling over the floor. It didn't reach the bed, not even near, but he knew that it was there.

Kageyama rose up with a struggle. His back felt heavy, felt like it was stuck to the bed with some glue or maybe some invisible ropes binding him to it. But he needed to move. Staying still made him feel way more nervous somehow.

There were spots left on the pillows where his tears had landed, and he could still feel the wetness around his eyes, on his face. It made it hard for him to properly open his eyes.

He pressed the heel of his right hand against his right eye, the left one staying open as he looked at the curtains. Tsukishima had this big window in his room that Kageyama found weird at first, but Tsukishima liked it. He told him that the window offers a lot of natural lights to come in the room, and it made the space feel nicer. Kageyama didn't get it. He thought that all windows do the same thing, they let lights in no matter how big or small they were.

He had only understood the appeal of it after Tsukishima fucked him against it. There was something about being pressed against the glass and having the pale light of the moon lighting up his body, skin glistening with sweat. It wasn't exactly what Tsukishima meant with natural lighting, but he ended up liking the window. It also provided a very nice view of the city. Those tall buildings looked so small from the window. They looked like they were easy to destroy with just a pinch of his fingers.

He was staring at the window last night, from the bed. He had pondered about it for a few hours. They were on the eleventh floor of the building, and that was very high. He had thought about it- he doubted that he would feel anything by the time he hit the ground. Maybe he would've had been gone while he was on his way down.

He had decided to close the window with the curtains.

It was an option. It had been an option for the longest time. The second floor of his aunt's house wasn't high enough to kill him, but whenever he was out, heading to work and going home, he would find himself looking at tall buildings that were easy for him to gain access in.

It was an option. It had been for a long time. He just pushed it back to the dark corner of his mind once he met Tsukishima. The thought lingered. He knew it was always there, but he didn't want to think about it that much whenever he was with Tsukishima. And last night he'd decided to not think about it so much. Tsukishima might've had not been next to him, but he was still with him. Yes, there was a distance between, but he did not want to let that distance take over his mind.

Oh, but how much he wished Tsukishima was next to him last night- right now.

He felt like crying again, so he sucked in a deep breath and let it out. He ran his hand through his inky hair, not knowing what to do. It wasn't new for him to have a sleepless night, but it was new for him to stay awake through the night at Tsukishima's apartment- his bedroom. When his aunt had one too many drinks and become violent, he would sneak out of the house and head to Tsukishima's apartment. A safe place. The only safe place that he knew.

Kageyama stared down at his hands. He had ruined that safe place for himself.

He thought of Tsukishima, he always did, and how he wished he could take everything back. The words, what he did. He wanted to go back to somewhere before everything went south- before he thought it was a good idea to end his aunt's life with some half-baked plan. There must've had been some other way to escape. There must be.

He clenched his hands, blunt nails digging into the flesh of his palm. If his nails were as long as his aunt's were, he would be bleeding, but now he didn't have to bleed anymore.

He wasn't going to get hurt anymore, and yet there he was crying the night away.

Kageyama exhaled heavily, feeling as if a part of his soul left his body along with his breath. He supposed it really did. He felt empty, mostly hurt, like something had been ripped out of him. He knew what it was, but he didn't want to think about it. He was afraid that if he thought about it too much that it would be real. He didn't want it to be real. He wanted it to be him uselessly worrying about it.

He slipped off the bed, then he started to make it. His hands were working on the sheets, the covers, then he fluffed the pillows, ignoring the stains of his tears from last night. He placed them neatly in the positions they were in before he laid down. He smoothed the dark purple sheet slowly, tentatively, and his hands were shaking slightly. He told himself that the room was cold.

He decided to go to the bathroom and wash his face, also brush his teeth. He needed to do something. Kageyama walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He glanced down the hallway, wondering if Tsukishima was still asleep.

He entered the bathroom and walked to the sinks, and he stood on the right side. His side. There was a spare toothbrush, though the spare was really just his toothbrush. He grabbed it, his hands were familiar with the space. He found the toothpaste, placed it back,, started to brush his teeth like he always did. His thoughts were floating, touching the ceiling. Kageyama couldn't get them down. He was just staring at himself in the mirror, and his eyes were red, skin puffy and bloated. The bruise on his face served as a reminder.

A reminder that he was never going to get hit again or a reminder that he had killed his aunt, Kageyama couldn't really decide.

He finished brushing his teeth, spat everything out a little too harshly, then washed it all out with water. He reached out for the spare towel- _his_ towel, and wiped his mouth. He hung it around his neck, then he splashed some water to his face. The water dripped down to his hoodie- Tsukishima's hoodie. He pressed his wet palms against his eyes, cooling them down. Then his hands moved up, pushing his bangs away from his forehead. He cracked his eyes open, and saw himself again.

Like a mess. Kageyama wiped his face with the hand towel.

The sound of the door swinging open made his head snap up, then he turned to find Tsukishima, still holding the doorknob, looking at him with the same redness around his eyes.

His thoughts, that were previously floating in the air, came crashing down on him. A heavy weight that he couldn't carry properly. His shoulders tensed up, and he couldn't stop himself from swallowing them all down to the pit of his stomach. They were like bricks, and he almost dropped to the floor from their weight.

Tsukishima was the first one to look away.

He really felt like dropping to the floor, so that it would open up and swallow him. That turn of Tsukishima's head had made a gash on his chest, but then he thought back to last night, he had taken his own jabs on Tsukishima's heart.

 _It is only fair,_ he thought, covering his quivering lips with his towel. _This is fair._

Tsukishima stood next to him, he wasn't wearing his glasses. He was doing his own routine, but it wasn't quite the same. He was slow, doing everything half-heartedly. Kageyama tried to look at Tsukishima's reflection in the mirror, trying to do it discreetly. He felt like he didn't have the right to look at Tsukishima.

Other than red, Kageyama could see darkness hanging under his golden eyes. He could fine the same pair of circles around his own eyes. His left hand clawed the counter, fingers pressing down against the cold ceramic. He wanted to bleed, just to let out something. Not tears. He didn't think he could cry in front of Tsukishima. It was selfish, but he was afraid of Tsukishima's reaction. What if he didn't have any at all?

Kageyama didn't want to know. He didn't want to find out. He didn't want to cry anymore.

He was rooted to his place. His feet refusing to walk out of the bathroom and find somewhere else. He was still watching Tsukishima, trying so hard not to do so, but he failed. Tsukishima was finishing up. He was washing his face, pressing the water against his closed lids just like Kageyama did. He reached out for his own hand towel blindly, and Kageyama almost moved to get it for him.

But he stood, unmoving, without making any sound. He just kept looking at Tsukishima, under his long lashes, as he wiped his face.

When Tsukishima was done, he turned away from the sink and threw the towel into the laundry basket. Kageyama waited for him to leave. He didn't want him to, but he knew he would.

But Tsukishima didn't. He stayed there, lingering wordlessly. He wasn't looking at Kageyama, his back was facing the younger male. Kageyama thought it looked tired- Tsukishima must be tired. He wanted to reach out, to turn around and touch his back. Kageyama wanted to wrap his arms around him and rest his head against his nape.

He knew what was ripped out of him. It had been tearing down slowly, and it was just pulled off harshly of him. He knew what it was.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, then he realized that his voice was muffled by the towel. He pulled it down, his hand gripping it tightly.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, but he was no longer looking at the reflection of Tsukishima's slumped figure.

He wanted to wait to hear something, but at the same time he didn't want to. He was afraid that the silence would stretch into something longer and more painful. He needed to fill it.

"For last night- for everything." He could feel a throbbing on the back of his head. "I wish I could take it all back. I really do. I'd do anything to take it all back, but I know that I _can't."_

He tried to raise his head, tried to lift his gaze up because he needed to see Tsukishima, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to see those golden eyes looking at him in the way that they did last night. They were sharp, judging, and Kageyama had tried so hard to ignore the fear in them. He'd thought that the disgust was enough to make him bleed all over. A spear that went through his chest. And the worst part was that he could see himself in those eyes, and he could understand why Tsukishima was disgusted.

He could live with it- with the fact that he'd killed his aunt, pushing her down the stairs. He thought he could try to go on with her blood on his hands. He could, but he couldn't do it when Tsukishima had the same blood on his hands. The hands that Kageyama loved so much. The hands that he knew were capable of warm gentleness. Now they were tainted, and he was to blame.

He wouldn't fight it if Tsukishima decided to blame him. It was only fair that he did so. Kageyama was the one who dragged him into this whole predicament- his predicament. He wanted to turn back the time to the day where he talked to Tsukishima for the first time. He wouldn't say a thing. He would keep his mouth closed. That way, Tsukishima wouldn't have to be with him and this wouldn't have had happened to him.

"It's okay if you don't love me anymore," Kageyama said with great difficulty. "I get it. I'm not going to blame you. I shouldn't."

He felt like his heart was being squeezed by a cold dead hand. He wondered for a moment if it was his aunt's hand. Her sharp nails, painted in bright red, clawing his heart out of his chest. It was getting hard for him to breathe, as if the room was getting smaller. Walls closing in on him.

Kageyama felt like he was going to burst as the walls continued to press against him from all directions. His fingertips were numb from gripping the cold ceramic of the sink. His legs were going to give up on him soon.

He took in a deep breath, so deep it hurt his lungs somehow. The air was cold, it felt like breathing in ice.

 _"Just please don't hate me,"_ he begged, his voice shaking and his lips trembling. "I don't think I'll be able to handle it. I can't get through this if you hate me."

It was so selfish of him. Tsukishima had the right to despise him. But he wanted to be selfish, probably for the last time in their relationship. He didn't have anyone else right now. Only Tsukishima, and he didn't want to make an enemy out of the man that he loved so much.

He wouldn't be able to continue on. He wouldn't be able to live like that. Losing his love was devastating enough, and he didn't want to gain his hatred.

But he didn't want to lose Tsukishima's love either. He was so selfish.

He bursted. His heart did, painfully so.

The first sob tore out of him violently, and his body shook as he started crying. His head hurt. He pressed his eyes shut even more tightly, to stop his tears from coming out. It was hard to breathe. It was hard to control himself. He didn't want to cry in front of Tsukishima, but here he was, legs trembling under his weight and his mistakes- the pain and the suffering.

He covered his mouth, maybe that would stop himself from crying. Maybe he would feel better. Maybe he could suffocate himself, but that would be a cowardly thing to do. That would be an easy way out for him, and Tsukishima would be left to deal with the aftermath. Just like the big window. Jumping off wouldn't solve this. Deaths would pile up and he didn't want that. He didn't want Tsukishima to see that.

He fell, but before he could meet the cold floor, a pair of hands reached out to him, preventing the fall.

Before he could process it, he was pulled into a hug, and he snapped his eyes open. The arms around him were Tsukishima's. He thought he had collapsed and dreamt about it, but then Tsukishima tightened the embrace, and he found himself crying some more. He returned the hug, grabbing Tsukishima's t-shirt. Holding onto him. An anchor.

And in this tight embrace, he could breathe.

"I never stopped loving you, Tobio," Tsukishima muttered, his voice sounded wet, crackly. "I don't want to."

"I don't want you to. I love you, Kei. _I love you, I love you, I love you-"_

Tsukishima pulled away just to kiss his forehead, then his wet, red cheeks, and he finally kissed his lips. His big hands framed Kageyama's face. Kageyama could feel his fingers shake against his skin.

"Why would you say all that?" Tsukishima asked against his lips. "I'd never hate you. I don't think I can ever hate you. Even if I could, I'd still be in love with you."

Kageyama sniffed, looking up to Tsukishima. The taller man was blurry in his eyes. He couldn't see him through the tears that were still falling. Tsukishima started to wipe his tears, making a soft shushing noise. Kageyama leaned into his touch, his hands were resting on Tsukishima's sides. He wanted to hug him more.

"I'm sorry, too," Tsukishima said, and Kageyama shook his head. "No, Tobio. I was wrong. I shouldn't have reacted that way."

 _It is only fair,_ Kageyama thought once again, sniffling. _It was fair that you reacted that way._

He wanted to say it. He really did. But at the same time, he hated it. He hated that Tsukishima had rejected him, pulling away from his hands. Last night, in that very second, he could hear his aunt snickering somewhere in the corner of the room. Laughing and taunting him.

Even after she died, he was still miserable. Even after her death, she was still here. A cage trapping him in.

"It's just-" Tsukishima paused, clearing his throat when his voice didn't come out right. "I _don't_ want this, but it happened. And I can't just look away."

Kageyama wasn't looking at him. He was looking at Tsukishima's black t-shirt, the same t-shirt that he had worn last night. Kageyama was still wearing the same hoodie. Tsukishima's hoodie.

"It happened and I have to deal with it," Tsukishima continued as he tilted Kageyama's head up, making the younger male look at him. "We both have to deal with it. _Together."_

"You don't have to." Kageyama grabbed Tsukishima's wrists. "I would understand if you want to walk away from all this."

"Tobio." His eyes drilled into Kageyama's pair of blues. "If I was in your position, would you walk away? Would you leave me to deal with it alone?"

Kageyama shook his head, pressing Tsukishima's hands more against his skin, wordlessly hoping that they would keep him from falling apart.

"No. I'd never leave you," Kageyama replied, determined yet broken.

He would never leave Tsukishima. The idea of it actually made the knot in his stomach twist painfully, draining his blood and making it pool in the pit of his stomach. Filling him to his head. If Tsukishima was the one who had pushed his aunt down the stairs, killing her, Kageyama would still be with him.

And that thought made him feel awfully worse about what he did, and he thought that wasn't possible.

He had pushed his own aunt while she was drunk, head floating and anger flaring. He had made Tsukishima hit her on the head because Tsukishima had to protect both of them. That was what happened, and thinking about it made the room sway. Everything had been swaying for a while now.

If their roles were reversed, Kageyama would be the one to hit and push Tsukishima's aunt down the stairs. He would without a second thought.

And that scared him.

"The same goes for me, Tobio. I have to be with you," Tsukishima said, bringing their foreheads together.

Tsukishima's forehead was slightly wet, and cold as it rested against his, but his hands were so warm. A constant reminder that he was there with him, and what he had been feeling for Kageyama; care, love, things Kageyama didn't know what to call but knew what they felt like were still there. Kageyama wasn't sure if that was just his messed up mind alluding him, but as long as he could feel it- feel Tsukishima, he wouldn't complain about it.

"You don't know this but I need you more than you need me," Tsukishima whispered, his minty breath hitting Kageyama's face.

His quiet voice, his words, his gentle touch- his hands holding his face. Kageyama was afraid that the shards of his broken self would pierce Tsukishima's skin and hurt him.

But Tsukishima pulled him into a hug once again, his long arms wrapping Kageyama's shaking body. Tsukishima brought the two of them down to sit on the cold floor of the bathroom. The second his skin met the tiles, he was suddenly transferred back to a particular night in his aunt's house. One of the many nights where she would hunt him down with anger in her eyes.

He was sixteen then, and his aunt's voice had filled the entire house. He was cussing him out, then it was some guy that she was seeing. A younger man whose name Kageyama had long forgotten.

Kageyama was hiding in the bathroom, sitting down in the middle of the room, pulling his legs close to his chest. He had watched the door- the lock that he had hoped would be able to protect him. He didn't have the time to run to his bedroom, and he had to make do with the dark and wet bathroom.

He remembered his aunt banging her hands against the door, and he snapped out of the memory at the first sound of the bang.

A gasp left his mouth, eyes wavering as he tried to focus on the laundry basket. There was Tsukishima's hand towel. Tsukishima pulled him closer, then he started to rock him back and forth slowly, his hands rubbing his back.

Kageyama didn't know what to do with his own hands, so he just held onto Tsukishima. Fingers clawing the fabric of his t-shirt. A kiss was placed on his temple.

He prayed to the Gods that he once abandoned. He prayed that both him and Tsukishima would be able to get through this situation together. His breathing rushed out of his body, piling up on its way out and almost choking him as he closed his eyes, praying more and more. The words rang loudly inside of him. They echoed and traveled to his head.

"I'm sorry," he managed to say, his voice hoarse.

Tsukishima kissed the side of his head. "We'll be all right."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, heads-up about the scene with the detective and the police officer. It's not going to be accurately portrayed since I don't really know how it works in Japan. It came from my own very short experience, so please forgive my mistakes!
> 
> Now that that's out of the way, I hope you'll enjoy this as well!

The two of them were sitting in the bathtub, the warm water spilling over to the floor, breathing in the steam. Kageyama sat facing him, washing himself mindlessly while Tsukishima watched as his wet skin glistened under the light of the bathroom.

Kageyama's legs rested on each of Tsukishima's sides, and the taller man took a hold of his right calf and kissed his skin. Kageyama looked at him, lips quirking up into a small smile. Tsukishima couldn't see him properly without his glasses, so he kissed his leg again.

His hand traced Kageyama's shin to his knee, and he made a circling motion on Kageyama's warm skin. Kageyama's bones were protruding against his skin. He was losing even more weight. Tsukishima had wondered briefly if his guilt had been eating his flesh up. He'd imagined what would happen if he rubbed his hands against Kageyama's shoulder blades. Would he bleed?

"We shouldn't talk too much to them," he whispered, placing another kiss to Kageyama's skin.

Kageyama blinked his eyes as he looked at Tsukishima. His hair was pushed back, wet and inky. Water was dripping down from his face, and the hollow dip of his collarbones had gathered the droplets.

"What?" Kageyama asked.

"We shouldn't talk too much to the cops," he replied. "The less we tell them the better."

"Wouldn't that be way more suspicious?"

"You said it yourself. She was trying to kill you, and that's not an experience where you'd remember every single thing that happened."

Kageyama's eyes dropped down, but he nodded his head quietly. Tsukishima leaned forward, took Kageyama's hand and kissed his palm. That hand moved to brush his hair away from his face, and Tsukishima closed his eyes as Kageyama's fingers trailed down his face and stopped at his lips.

They got out of the bath a few minutes later, drying up and putting their clothes on wordlessly. But it wasn't like before. This silence was gentle and warm. This silence wasn't a noose hanging around his neck. He thought he could live in it- like this, as long as he could have Kageyama smiling at him and touching him. As long as he could have Kageyama by his side.

_Even in murderous escapade?_

He decided to cook a breakfast for the two of them. Tsukishima wasn't the best at it- Kageyama was, but looking at him now, Tsukishima didn't want Kageyama near fire or anything sharp.

Kageyama was sleeping on top of him, his head resting on his chest. His dark hair, sprawled out against the white shirt that Tsukishima was wearing, like ink on a canvas. His long fingers found their way through the black strands and studied the contract between them and his pale skin.

He rested his hand on Kageyama's back, feeling the rise and fall of his body. Kageyama hadn't slept at all last night, and by the time they had finished eating their breakfast, Kageyama had started to grow sleepy, his eyelids dropping to a close every minute. Tsukishima had told him that they could just rest in the bedroom, but they had found themselves cuddling on the couch instead.

Kageyama had fallen asleep, his soft breathing filled the quiet room. Tsukishima thought it felt nice to stay close this way. There was something about not being able to move around too much that made him feel safe. In the small space of his couch, he felt like the world was reserved for the two of them only.

He was spared from the thoughts of what happened for a few seconds as Kageyama breathed on top of him.

Tsukishima pulled Kageyama closer, tucking Kageyama under his chin. The younger male stirred, a soft groan slipping out of him. He rubbed his face against the crook of Tsukishima's neck, and Tsukishima giggled quietly as his hair brushed his skin. He tightened his hold on Kageyama's body, kissing the crown of his head.

"Kei?"

He felt Kageyama moving in his arms, and he watched as Kageyama lifted his head up slowly, his midnight eyes were blinking blearily at him. He yawned, face scrunching up as he did. Tsukishima found himself smiling as he looked at Kageyama. He touched Kageyama's head, his hair a fluffy mess.

"Hey, your highness," he greeted, his voice was quiet and soft.

"Hi." Kageyama smiled at him. "What time is it?"

"Twelve-thirty," he replied. "You've been asleep for two hours and a half."

"It's late," Kageyama said as he tried to move away.

Tsukishima pulled him back down to his chest, shaking his head. "You can sleep some more, Tobio."

Kageyama looked at him, then his eyes shifted away for a second. His lips parted open, and closed- they trembled slightly. Tsukishima noticed the way his eyebrows twitched, and they furrowed. He looked down, hiding his face as his hands fisted Tsukishima's shirt.

"Can you come with me to bed?" He heard Kageyama's hushed voice, it broke in the middle of his question. _"Please?"_

Tsukishima stared at the top of his head for a moment, thinking about their argument last night. Kageyama's voice squeezed his heart. He wondered if things would've been different if he had just taken Kageyama's hand. The harsh words would've had been avoided if they had just went to bed together last night. If only he hadn't doubted his feelings.

But he was afraid. He wasn't really sure now if he had been scared of Kageyama or something else. There was a moment where he couldn't bring himself to look at Kageyama and the depths in his eyes, and that moment seemed to be so far away from him now. A distant memory or a small figment from a feverish nightmare.

"Of course," he breathed out.

Kageyama snapped his head up. He didn't know what to feel when he saw Kageyama's wide eyes. Had he not expected Tsukishima to say yes? But the small smile on Kageyama's face had swept that question away from his head.

The two of them rose up, and when Kageyama was about to stand up, Tsukishima pulled him in for a kiss. His hand caressing Kageyama's cheek. When they pulled away, Kageyama's eyes were slightly red and he kissed him again.

His fingers traced the bruise under Kageyama's right eye, then he placed a feather light kiss there. He couldn't wait until the bruise fade away from his skin. He wanted it to disappear immediately. Tsukishima didn't want Kageyama to look at his own reflection and remember her.

He wished he could pretend, even for a mere second, that Kageyama had hit his face against a wall or a shelf accidentally, but he couldn't. He wanted to claw it off Kageyama's face.

"Let's go, Tobio," he whispered, smiling as he stood up, pulling Kageyama up by his hand.

The bell of his front door rang and froze them in place.

They whipped their heads to the front door, eyes widening as the seconds ticked.

It rang again. The noise traveled around the apartment.

He expected silence, but then a voice came, accompanied by an insistent knocking that resounded loudly in his ears. He felt Kageyama flinching at the sound.

"Tsukishima-san? This is the Sendai Police Department. Please open the door!"

_Tick, tick, tick._

His guts curled into tight knots, and he felt the pressure of it building up to his throat. The fear that settled down inside of him flipped everything upside-down. The hold he had on Kageyama's trembling hand tightened as he breathed in.

He could feel the air intake, the way it traveled down to fill his lungs. He could feel it leaving, and his bones rattled as it did.

"Go to the bedroom, Tobio," he said.

Kageyama turned to look at him. "What?"

"You are sleeping. It was a long night." He looked at Kageyama, somehow he managed to give him a reassuring smile. "Go now."

"I'm not leaving you." Kageyama squeezed his hand.

Another ring of the doorbell.

"You're not, and I'm not leaving you either," he said. "But for now, you have to be in the bedroom."

Kageyama looked at him wordlessly, then he nodded his head, letting go of his hand. He rushed to the bedroom, and Tsukishima walked towards the front door. He could hear another set of knocking.

Sucking in a deep breath, he unlocked the door and swung it open.

A familiar face greeted him- a face he could recognize anywhere.

"Nii-san?"

"Hi, Kei." His older brother flashed him his usual smile, though there was something else accompanying it.

Tsukishima blinked several times, then his eyes shifted to the man standing next to his brother. Unlike Akiteru, this man was wearing an uniform. He adjusted the hat on his head, nodding as he looked at Tsukishima.

"Hello, Tsukishima-san. I'm officer Sawamura Daichi from the Police Department," the man said, his voice was the type to boom and bounce off the walls.

"Tsukishima Kei." He bowed confusedly. "May I help you?"

"Ah." Akiteru waved a hand. "I think it'd be best if we continue this inside."

Tsukishima looked at his brother, then he stepped aside, letting the two of them enter his apartment. His heart was beating against his chest as he closed the door. His fingers curling tightly around the doorknob.

The brave facade that he had put on in front of Kageyama plummeted down to the bottom of his stomach. The breakfast that he had with Kageyama earlier was trying to find its way out of him. He held in his breath and shoved himself away from the front door.

Why did it have to be his older brother? Why was Akiteru here?

His mind, that was previously resting when he held Kageyama in his arms, started to run its gears. Working everything to the point of a painful headache. He could feel it crawling from the back of his head. His mind, that he'd thought was ripped away from him, came back to his control.

And how unfamiliar it was, back in the clutch of his hands. How to take a grip of his mind, he didn't know.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, schooling his face into something a kin to curiosity more than worry.

Or maybe he had to look more worried? Now he became overly aware of his own expression. It didn't feel natural.

"We're looking for Kageyama Tobio," Sawamura replied, looking at him. "We have tried to contact him through his phone but we couldn't reach him. We were informed that we could find him here."

"I was the one who told him," Akiteru said, jerking a thumb at Sawamura. "I tried to call you but you weren't answering."

Tsukishima clapped his hands on his pockets, trying to find his phone that he had just realized wasn't with him.

"I must've left my phone in my car," he said, remembering that he'd seen it on the driver seat last night when he drove Kageyama here.

"Is Tobio-kun here, Kei?"

Tsukishima blinked. "Yeah, he's here."

"Where is he?"

"In the bedroom," he said, feeling his throat drying up. "He's sleeping."

"Could you wake him up, Tsukishima-san? We need to talk to him and ask him a few questions," Sawamura said.

"Both of you, actually." Akiteru looked over his shoulder to the hallway leading to the bedroom, then back to him. "Unfortunately we have some disturbing news."

Tsukishima blinked. "What is it?"

"It's best to tell you when Kageyama-san is also present," Sawamura said, the tone of his voice left no room for an argument.

"All right." He nodded once. "Please have a seat while I go get him."

He walked away as the two older men sat down in the living room. He could hear them talking about him. Sawamura said something about how tall he was, surpassing Akiteru's height, and Akiteru had chuckled and told him that his little brother Kei had always been taller than everyone else.

Tsukishima tried to smooth out the wild rhythm of his heart. He tried to slow down his quickening breaths- it was actually starting to hurt in a way where he felt a dull throbbing in his chest.

He swung the bedroom door open, and he saw Kageyama sitting on the edge of the bed. His head snapping up from his hands to look at Tsukishima.

Tsukishima closed the door behind his back, then he walked towards Kageyama who stood up to meet him halfway.

Before Kageyama could say anything, he took his trembling hands and kissed them.

"You remember what we should do, right?" he asked, looking into Kageyama's wavering eyes. "It's going to be fine."

He wasn't sure of his own words. He had thought he was ready. He'd thought that they would just sit down with people that they didn't know and lie to their faces. People had their tells when they lied, but Tsukishima knew about his own tells. He could try his best to mask them somehow. And he knew Kageyama could manage. The two of them had to.

But Akiteru was his older brother. Akiteru knew who he was and he knew who Akiteru was.

And he knew who Kageyama was. Though his knowledge of Kageyama wasn't as vast as Tsukishima's, but he still knew him. Akiteru liked Kageyama for his honesty, and the love that he had for Tsukishima. He'd always been fond of Kageyama to the point where it bothered Tsukishima a little, but at the same time it made him happy.

But why was he here? What was Akiteru doing here?

"Kei, I'm scared," Kageyama whispered.

"Me too," he replied. "Nii-san is here."

He looked at Kageyama, studied the way his face just dropped. He felt Kageyama's hands starting to shake even more, and he kissed them again.

"It's going to be fine," he whispered against Kageyama's slender fingers. "We know what we have to say, Tobio. We'll be all right."

Kageyama didn't say anything, only nodding his head slowly. He released a shaky breath, and Tsukishima chased it away with a kiss. He pulled Kageyama out of the bedroom, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

His feet came to a halt, and Kageyama stood next to him. The two older men turned to look at them, and they stood up. He noticed the smile on Akiteru's face as he looked at Kageyama, and he glanced to look at the surprise on Kageyama's face.

"Oh, it really is you, Kageyama-kun?"

Tsukishima's eyebrows twitched at Sawamura's voice.

"Hello," Kageyama greeted, bowing stiffly to Akiteru and Sawamura.

"You know Tobio-kun, Sawamura?" Akiteru asked.

"Oh, he used to work at the kindergarten with my friend," Sawamura replied. "Sugawara still talks about you."

Kageyama nodded his head. "Can I help you?"

"Let's sit down first, yeah?" Akiteru said.

"Do you want to drink anything?" Tsukishima asked.

"I'm good." Akiteru shook his head. "Sawamura?"

"Oh, it's fine, Tsukishima-san."

Tsukishima nodded his head, then he nudged Kageyama to sit down with him on the couch. Sawamura sat in the armchair, while Akiteru had placed one of Tsukishima's barstools across the coffee table, facing the lovers.

He watched as Akiteru pulled a notebook out of his coat. He recognized the damned thing. He'd seen Akiteru walking around, burying his nose into its pages. Tsukishima had never seen the contents of it. He didn't think he had to in order to know what was written in it. He didn't really want to know anyway. It was Akiteru's job, and it wasn't his business.

But right now, as he looked at the pages being turned, he thought of what he wouldn't do just to know what kind of new things had Akiteru added prior to their arrival here.

What was Akiteru doing here?

"Kei said you were looking for me," Kageyama started quietly. "Is there something wrong?"

"Tobio-kun," Akiteru began slowly, looking at Kageyama intently. Not studying him, more like checking to see if Kageyama was ready to hear what he was going to say.

Tsukishima didn't know what to do. He just sat, his lips pressed shut, not knowing how to act once Akiteru revealed to them that Kageyama's aunt was dead. How should he react? He already knew of the surprise. 

People said he wasn't the most expressive person, and so he wasn't sure how to act now. Would it be suspicious of him to look shocked at the news? Or would it be safer for them if he didn't do that? Put on a blank face and just sit in silence- too shocked to say anything at all. He didn't even know what he would actually do in a situation where he wasn't the one who had killed someone, or at least had a hand in someone's death.

"Your neighbor found your aunt this morning." He heard Akiteru's voice, then he looked between him and Kageyama.

Kageyama was blinking, his long lashes fluttering. Tsukishima noticed the way Kageyama was slightly shrinking into the couch. The beginning of the spoiled surprise tipping him over. Was it part of the act? Or was it really him falling into a slump?

Tsukishima's chest tightened.

"She's dead, Tobio-kun. We have to ask you a few questions."

***

His lips parted open, and the fluttering of his eyelids came to a stop. Kageyama didn't know if he had to gasp. He thought that the action might seem too calculated. He tried to think of what he would actually do if the news had been new to him. He tried to think of how he would react to Akiteru's words if he wasn't the one who had pushed his aunt down the stairs.

Should he be devastated? Or should he act numb? But he was devastated. For different reasons. Should he project that out to his face? Would they be able to tell that it was different?

A few seconds had passed. He didn't do anything. He thought he was looking at Akiteru's face, but when he blinked, he was actually looking at the notebook in Akiteru's hand.

He felt like his brain had been broken into two useless pieces inside his head, and it was now hollow up there. He wondered if he could manage to at least cry a bit, just to appear sympathetic. But he couldn't do anything. He knew she was dead. His hands had caused it.

He gripped his knees, bony and marbleized. Blunt nails digging into his skin. He tried not to wince- not from the pain, he just suddenly became to aware of what he was doing.

"What?" He heard a voice next to him. Tsukishima's voice.

"She was found at the bottom of the stairs by one of her neighbors. The front door was unlocked."

_It was,_ Kageyama thought. _We didn't bother locking up._

Akiteru referred to his notebook. "Namikawa Yuki. She lives next door with her mother."

Kageyama remembered Namikawa-san and her old declining mother that he would always see sitting outside in their backyard, her small eyes empty as she stared off into space. Sometimes he would see a grin play on her face, and he'd wondered if she was recalling a memory or if she was seeing something that Kageyama wasn't able to.

Then he came to a thought- if he hadn't killed his aunt, would she had ended up like Namikawa-san's mother? Would she had sat in her backyard one day as time eat away at her? Who would look after her then?

If he hadn't done what he had, would he be the one to take care of her? Would he be her Namikawa Yuki?

"She told us that she saw a car leaving the house last night, and we have identified the vehicle," Akiteru said, looking at Tsukishima. "It was your car, Kei."

Kageyama couldn't bring himself to look at Tsukishima.

"Sawamura will be asking you a few simple questions, Kei. I have to do the same to Tobio-kun here."

It felt like falling from a great height into a pool of cold water. An icy shock that blazed inside of him. Kageyama held his breath in, eyes shifting up to look at Akiteru under his lashes. Was he not going to be questioned together with Tsukishima? He'd thought that they would already have a conclusion of what happened to her- she had fallen down the stairs while she was drunk out of her mind.

But he knew it didn't even manage to come close to their conclusion. If it did, Akiteru wouldn't be here. People tripping over their steps and falling down the stairs accidentally wasn't Akiteru's job. People being pushed over was.

"Are you not going to take us to the station?" Tsukishima asked.

"Oh, no. Nothing like that," Akiteru replied. "We can do it here. Though I'll have you take Sawamura to a different room."

Tsukishima stood up, and Kageyama had to stop himself from grabbing his hand and beg him to stay. "We can go to my study."

As the two men left the room, Kageyama found himself sitting face to face with Akiteru. The eyes that resembled his lover's looked like a pair of headlights in a dark road, and Kageyama was a deer frozen on its spot as the lights approached.

"Are you ready, Tobio-kun?"

The car eventually came, running over the deer and leaving it broken and lifeless on the side of the road.

***

"What were you doing there last night, Tsukishima-san?"

"If my brother hasn't told you yet, Tobio is my boyfriend."

Sawamura was sitting across from him, also holding a notepad in his hand and a pen in the other.

The room wasn't bright nor was it dark. Tsukishima hadn't bothered to turn the lights on. He'd decided to let the sunlight from the window did its job. The hat that Sawamura was wearing casted a shadow over his stern eyes, and Tsukishima wondered if they always looked like that or if it was just something that Sawamura managed to do whenever he was in his uniform.

Was he trained to do that? Was it a part of his uniform? Was it something he had possessed since birth? Or had he acquired it as he grew up?

His older brother, he knew now, could do the same thing. The way he looked at both him and Kageyama earlier in the living room had made his spine chill. As if Akiteru had slipped on an invisible glasses over his eyes. Akiteru, for all his kindness and gentleness, was capable of being strict- Tsukishima knew that. But it was the first time for him to be in the direct line of his sharp inquiring eyes.

He wondered if they would be as sharp as they looked at Kageyama. How would Kageyama deal with them?

"Namikawa-san said that she saw your car as late as nine p.m. outside of the house. And that you left shortly seven minutes after," Sawamura said, ignoring his snark.

"That's right," he replied.

"What were you doing, Tsukishima-san?" he asked. "Just go through what you did and how you left. Had something else happened before your arrival? Or did something happen while you were there?"

Tsukishima gulped, and he knew that the action did not go unnoticed by Sawamura. His eyes wandered to the door. Outside of the study, in the living room, Kageyama was sitting with his brother alone.

He thought of their story, of what happened last night.

His eyes met Sawamura's waiting gaze. They weren't his brother's. He didn't know who Sawamura was. He could do this.

Tsukishima exhaled through his nose harshly.

"Kageyama-san had been hitting Tobio since he was a kid," he started. "She was both Tobio and his sister's guardian when their parents and grandfather passed away."

"He has a sister?"

Tsukishima nodded. "An older sister, Kageyama Miwa. She lives in Tokyo."

"When was the last time she physically abused Kageyama-kun?"

Tsukishima's lips pulled down into a deep frown. He let out another heavy sigh as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Last night," he said, his voice quiet and heavy. "That was the reason why I went there last night. She was drunk and she was hitting Tobio."

Sawamura looked away for a moment- a fleeting moment that eased Tsukishima. There was a twitch to his lips, and Tsukishima could see the way his jaw hinged.

"Is the bruise on Kageyama-kun's face the result of the altercation?" Sawamura was also quiet here.

"Yeah." He nodded, eyebrows etched together. "One of many."

He thought of the night where he was caressing Kageyama's face, studying the bruise that was still marking his skin today. He thought of the nights before that, where he had cleaned and tended his wounds. He thought of the day where he had told Kageyama that they should inform the police. And he thought of the way Kageyama had rejected his idea.

Kageyama had been thinking of his sister, and he hadn't exactly told Tsukishima everything about her, but he knew enough to understand that it wasn't going to be easy.

And Tsukishima knew- somehow a voice inside his head had told him that it wasn't going to end there. He had to do something to stop it. He'd thought that if he was given the chance, he would do anything. He had been scared of himself.

"Tobio called me while he was hiding in his room. Told me that his aunt was trying to hurt him. He was so scared," he said, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. "When I got there, the door was unlocked. She was banging on his bedroom door, and she had a broken bottle in her hand."

Sawamura cleared his throat. "Where were you when Kageyama-kun called you?"

"I was in my apartment."

"What time did you leave?"

Tsukishima's lips twitched. "Around eight-forty."

"Would Kageyama-kun call you every time it happened?"

Tsukishima sighed, shaking his head. "He wouldn't. He didn't want to drag me into it." He whispered, "He's so stupid."

"So last night was the first time for him to call you."

"Yes. Tobio told me that she had always been drinking." He looked outside the window, not exactly knowing what he should focus his eyes on. "She tried to ... kill him last night."

He heard the sound of a paper being turned, and he glanced at Sawamura from the corner of his eye. He was reading something he had written in the notepad.

"What happened next when you got there?" he asked, adjusting his hat a little.

He could see Sawamura's eyes better now. They were dark brown, round, and somehow he thought that they fit his face really well. The way he sat, back straight and chest puffed, made him look like such a strong man. He wondered if it was also something that he had practised before.

He felt his own back straightening, his glasses catching the glint from the sunlight. Suddenly Sawamura looked more like a mere speck in his vision. The glaring light from the window had consumed his figure partly.

It was hard for Tsukishima to see properly, but it made it easier for him to lie when he couldn't see his face.

"She came at me with the broken bottle, and I had to push her into another room."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long time that I have taken to update this.


	3. Chapter 3

"Why didn't you tell the police?" Akiteru asked after Kageyama, with a shaky voice, told him about the abuse he had gone through under the roof of his aunt's house.

Her house, now her tomb. He thought that it was going to be either him or that woman.

"I couldn't." He shook his head. "Akiteru-san, I couldn't."

Kageyama took a deep breath, and the air pierced his lungs. He suddenly remembered spending the night outside of the house, in the cold. His aunt had thrown him out and locked the door. He was only twelve back then, and he was still in his uniform.

That had happened because he came home late from school, and he was late because a few guys from his classroom had asked him to hang out with them for a while- something that he didn't normally do. But it had seemed fun to be with them. He just couldn't remember if he had had an actual fun being around people his age while talking about everything that there was to talk about for middle schoolers.

He was sitting in front of the door, curling into himself, trying to gather some heat to keep himself warm. He remembered someone walking past the house. It was Namikawa-san's senile mother- back then she hadn't been that way. Back then she was still capable of walking around and getting her own groceries.

She had walked, spared him a pitiful glance, and kept walking without even leaving him some meaningless words.

The next day when his aunt had opened the door, she had told him that it was all his fault that he had spent the night outside.

"And why's that?" Akiteru asked again.

Kageyama wanted to scoff. "People don't care, Akiteru-san."

He thought of Tsukishima. _He was the only one._

"We found bruises on her body, Tobio-kun. Aside from the one on her head, they were most likely caused by a blunt object, and there were scars as well."

Kageyama swallowed a lump in his throat, then he looked at Akiteru.

"There were men- loansharks," he said. "She owed a lot of money to them. I don't know how much. Sometimes they would come to the house and make a mess."

"Do you know any of their names? Do you remember their faces?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, genuinely trying to recall anything about those men. He had never seen them clearly because he would always turn around whenever he saw the black car outside of the house. He remembered one man that would stand outside by the door, smoking a cigarette.

He couldn't see his face properly because that man would always wear a pair of shades. And he was just too afraid of whatever was happening in the house to stand there for more than a few seconds.

Kageyama shook his head weakly. "No, I don't. I always wait somewhere else until they're gone."

He felt ashamed for admitting that. Maybe he could've had done something- who was he kidding? There wasn't anything that he could do to stop those men. Unless he somehow could pull a lot of money out of the air to pay them.

Something twinged inside his mind. Maybe he didn't want to stop it.

He felt a grimace coming to his face.

"Was she married, Tobio-kun?" Akiteru asked after a pause.

He thought of his uncle. A man that he could barely remember the face of. He couldn't even recall the last time he saw his uncle.

"She was." Tobio nodded. "But she got a divorce."

"How long ago?"

"I don't remember. I was a kid," he replied. "I can't even remember his name."

"Did she have any children?"

"She didn't."

"Was she in a relationship with anyone after?"

He remembered this one particular man that his aunt had dated before. Some guy that would sneer at him whenever the two of them met. Kageyama couldn't remember his name- something like Ryouta or Ryouma. He just remembered that he would always try to talk to Kageyama when he came to the house.

_"Just ignore him,"_ his aunt had said to the guy. _"Don't even look at him."_

But that guy had looked at Kageyama with his unceasing smirk and piercing gaze. Kageyama didn't like him. He was sixteen back then, and he understood that the guy's intention was prurient.

"She was," he replied. "There was this guy when I was sixteen. A younger guy in his twenties. And then there wasn't."

"Even after him?"

"No one. She didn't bring anyone home anymore. She usually would, but she didn't." He looked at his hands. "I guess she wouldn't anymore after him."

"Why's that?"

He looked up at Akiteru, and his eyes shifted to look past him and at his reflection on the black screen of the T.V. and right there he found himself, sixteen again, in the house that was now a tomb. Sitting in the middle of the hallway, a scratch on his chin and neck.

That guy had been standing too close- always hovering around him and bumping into him. Every time his aunt wasn't looking, he would be next to Kageyama, his hand- too heavy not to to notice- would touch his shoulder, his head. Every time she was in another room, he would invade Kageyama's personal space. He would always be there.

The last time he had been in the house, he had tried to follow Kageyama to the bathroom.

"He'd tried to hurt me." The words grounded his tongue.

His eyes focused back to Akiteru's face, and he didn't miss the way his golden eyes widened. Akiteru's eyebrows went up, then they dropped in the next second. A frown was presented on his face, then he shoved his hand into the pocket of his jeans. Kageyama watched as he retrieved a light blue handkerchief.

And it was Kageyama's turn to widen his eyes.

Akiteru handed the handkerchief to him, waiting for him to take it from his hand. Kageyama blinked his eyes, then he realized that he was crying.

His hand was trembling as he took the cloth from Akiteru, and he wiped his tears languidly, still confused.

He didn't know for sure why he was crying. Was it the memories? Was looking back to who he was, some powerless kid who couldn't do anything to protect himself from the rotten adults in his life, had brought the tears to his eyes? Or was it the fact that after that guy had followed him to the bathroom, trying to harass him, his aunt had come and fought the guy?

Kageyama was tall for a kid his age back then, and he was almost as tall as that guy. But he was afraid. He had been so afraid when he barged in and covered Kageyama's mouth with his heavy hand. He had been scared when his aunt came and saw them in the bathroom. He had been scared when she pulled that bastard away from him, his nails leaving scratches on Kageyama's skin. He had been scared as he watched his aunt pushing the guy out of their house in the middle of the night.

He had been scared as he sat motionlessly in the hallway, listening to his aunt's yelling about what a piece of shit that guy was. How fucking crazy he was. And how nothing in her life ever went well.

Her angry eyes had avoided him through that night.

"I'm sorry, Tobio-kun," Akiteru said, and he sounded like the Akiteru that he knew.

"He didn't do anything- didn't have the chance to," he said. "My aunt kicked him out."

"Do you remember his name?"

"Something like Ryouta or Ryouma. I don't know his family name. I don't really remember."

"Okay." Akiteru nodded his head once, writing something down in his notebook.

_That was the only time,_ Kageyama thought. _The only time where she wasn't yelling at me._

"Do you remember what he looks like?"

He did. "His hair was dyed- this weird shade of red. He might've dyed it again. He has piercings on his ears, and he's tall. Back then he was around a hundred and eighty, I think."

Akiteru nodded along to his description of his aunt's young ex-boyfriend, while he wrote down everything in his notebook. Kageyama raised an eyebrow at this, but he continued anyway. He couldn't remember every single thing about him, but he tried to tell what his memory was able to provide.

"Why do you need to write that?"

"He might've had not been able to harm you, but he might be able to harm others," Akiteru replied. "What was your aunt's occupation, Tobio-kun?"

Kageyama shook his head. "She didn't have any. She would leave the house from time to time and come back at random hours."

"Do you know the places that she frequented?"

"I don't."

"Was there anybody else other than the people you have mentioned that she was involved with? Like neighbors?"

"They keep to themselves," he said. "She did as well."

"Anybody else?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. "Sorry," he breathed out a second later.

_Sorry._ He wasn't quite sure what he was apologizing for. Was it for not being able to provide information to help Akiteru? Was it for lying straight to his face? Was it for getting his little brother involved in his shit? Or was it for killing his own aunt?

"How did she die?" he asked quietly, pressing the handkerchief against his left eye.

"We're still trying to determine that," Akiteru said. "Although we found a fatal wound on her head that may be the cause of her death."

Kageyama's stomach turned.

"You said that she tried to attack Kei with a broken bottle, then he pushed her into a room and locked her in," Akiteru recounted his statement. "Then how did she leave the room if it was locked by Kei?"

He dragged the handkerchief down his face, his fingers curling tightly around the fabric. He felt like throwing up. Akiteru was looking at him with those eyes- they were narrow, dark. They lacked the golden shine that would usually be present. He felt a single sweat roll down his back, and he thought of one single sharp nail digging into his back and sliding down, ripping his skin and pulling his spine out.

He wanted to do the same to Akiteru, or anyone for that matter. He wanted to crawl into Akiteru and disappear.

"I don't actually remember if he had locked her in or not," he said, gulping. "I just remember that he pushed her into a room and we left."

Akiteru nodded his head.

Kageyama stared at him, trying to see if Akiteru had finally looked through his lies. He hadn't lied to him about Ryouta- or Ryouma, he still couldn't remember- it was something he hadn't told anyone before. Not Miwa. Not Tsukishima. It was the truth, and to hear it come out of his mouth and fill the room made his throat clench to a tight close.

Somehow, this one truth that he had told Akiteru weighted more than his piling lies.

"Both of you left the house right after Kei pushed her into another room." Akiteru looked at him. "Where did the two of you go after that?"

"Here," he replied.

"Did you guys make any stops on the way? Did you make a call or text anyone?"

His eyes shifted to Akiteru's shoulder, and he found a strand of pale hair against the midnight blue fabric of his coat.

He thought of the empty road. The darkness of the night swallowing the argument they had in the car. He thought of the echo of Tsukishima's voice- his shouting. He thought of the wind from outside of the car, brushing his skin and leaving chills all over his body.

"We didn't stop anywhere." Kageyama shook his head. "I didn't call anyone."

"How about Kei?"

"We didn't stop. Didn't contact anyone. We drove straight to here."

Another nod from Akiteru, and Kageyama willed himself not to look over his shoulder to the direction of Tsukishima's study. How was he handling Sawamura Daichi? Was he also being asked the same questions? Did their statements match each other's?

Did Tsukishima cave in under the pressure? He didn't know what kind of person Sawamura Daichi was. He used to see him every morning back when he was working at the local kindergarten. Sugawara Koushi- the teacher he had assisted- would lead the line of children with their yellow hats to the school, while Kageyama would be in the end of the line, following after them.

In all those time he had met Sawamura who would be patrolling, he had never exchanged more than casual greetings, but he knew that Sawamura Daichi was easy to smile, maybe because there were kids with him, or maybe because Sugawara was with him. He hadn't smiled at all today.

_Well, it's fair,_ Kageyama thought. _Someone is dead._

His aunt died. He had to remind himself that it wasn't just someone. It was his aunt. Kageyama Ayane. Dead. In her house- her grave now.

"We still have some people that we haven't tracked down yet." _What people?_ "There are fingerprints and footprints to run, but since you have confirmed about your and Kei's presence in the house last night, it is safe to say that they might belong to the two of you."

He thought there were more questions coming to him, but Akiteru closed his notebook. A faint tap that made his fingers twitch around the light blue handkerchief. Akiteru visibly relaxed, slipping out of the skin that he wore on-duty. Kageyama could almost see it- like pulling a dusty white sheet off of a furniture.

The Akiteru that he was familiar with finally looked at him with his warm eyes. A small smile graced his handsome face. He remembered the first time when Tsukishima brought him to meet Akiteru. He had been nervous, so nervous that he'd asked Tsukishima if it was possible to postpone the lunch that they were going to have with his older brother.

Akiteru had smiled at him- he was always smiling- and Kageyama had briefly thought that he would've had fallen for Akiteru if he hadn't met his little brother first.

And now that he thought about it, he didn't think he would fall for Akiteru. He didn't think Akiteru would do what his little brother did. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not. He didn't want to think about it too much.

"Can I ask you something, Tobio-kun?" His voice was softer now. Edgeless. And his eyes had regained their roundness as he looked at Kageyama.

"Yes?"

"Does Kei know about what happened with your aunt's ex-boyfriend?"

His voice was soft. Edgeless. Careful. A cotton damped with alcohol, rubbing against a fresh bloody wound. He knew the feeling all too well to even flinch at it.

But still, he almost did as a response to the question.

"He doesn't," he muttered, then swallowed. "Are you going to tell him, Akiteru-san?"

Akiteru shook his head immediately. "It's not my place to do that, Tobio-kun. If you wish to not tell him then that's your right. I can't force you- no one can."

"I don't want to keep things from him." _Especially after what we had done._ "But I don't know how to tell him either."

Akiteru nodded his head. "I understand, Tobio-kun. It really isn't easy, though I do hope that you'll be able to tell him once you have the chance to."

He knew by now that he wasn't waiting for chances anymore. He created one for himself, but look where did that lead him- he'd killed someone for a chance to escape. There were ways- a lot of other ways that he could've had taken instead of this path that brought him here, sitting in front of his lover's older brother, answering questions about his dead aunt. The aunt that he killed.

There were doors, a lot of doors, but at that time he had been holding just one key in his hand. The only key that could only open one door. Behind that door was a room where his aunt was lying down, on the bottom of the stairs where her body was broken and lifeless.

Like the deer on the dark road.

His hands had set everything in motion, and he was left watching everything move like a train car. He wondered if the train car would ever stop. What was waiting at the end of the track?

"I wish I could help you with that, Tobio-kun." Akiteru stood up, shoving his notebook inside the pocket of his coat.

Kageyama stood up as well, but he soon found out that his legs weren't going to cooperate with him when he felt himself staggering. He leaned over the couch, bracing a hand against it. Akiteru rounded the coffee table to stand next to him, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Are you all right, Tobio-kun?" he asked worriedly.

_I fucking killed my aunt,_ he wanted to say.

"I'm okay, Akiteru-san," he said instead. "I just ... need a moment."

He felt like he had been denied of control over his own body. He wanted to move, he wanted to stand, but his body wanted him to stay in one place and freeze. His mind wasn't helping him at all. Thoughts were stumbling over each other, like a tower made of blocks falling over.

Kageyama found himself imagining him to be the one who was lying at the bottom of the stairs, limbs twisted and head bleeding. Unmoving. Dead. Where would he be after that?

Where was she now? Was she currently staying in the empty room reserved for her in hell? Was she waiting for him to fill the room next to hers? Or had her soul remained in the house, waiting for him to come back to haunt him? Would he be feeling a stabbing chill whenever he walked past the bottom of the stairs?

"Would you like to see her, Tobio-kun?"

He looked at Akiteru, and he willed himself not to scowl at him. He'd thought Akiteru was pulling his leg, but he wasn't. Akiteru looked genuinely worried. He didn't know what to feel.

"I need to call my sister," he said. "I have to tell her."

Akiteru nodded.

"Do you need her ex-husband's name? My sister might remember it."

"We don't, but I guess there's nothing wrong with informing him of her death."

"Okay." Kageyama nodded his head.

His ears caught the sound of footsteps nearing the living room. Kageyama looked away from Akiteru to Sawamura who entered the room with Tsukishima behind him.

Their eyes met, and Tsukishima's eyes widened at him. He watched as Tsukishima walked towards him in hurried steps. He grabbed Kageyama's arms and helped him stand properly. Kageyama leaned against him, shifting his weight on Tsukishima instead of the couch.

"Are you okay, Tobio?" Tsukishima asked.

He only nodded his head quietly. His eyes peered at Akiteru and Sawamura who were talking with each other. The two of them turned to him and Tsukishima, and he saw their eyes as they looked at him.

Just like that day where Namikawa-san's mother had walked past the house. Those pitiful eyes.

"Thank you for cooperating, Tsukishima-san, Kageyama-kun," Sawamura said.

"When will we be able to retrieve Tobio's belongings from the house?" Tsukishima asked.

"After our people are done with the place," Sawamura replied. "We will contact you."

Kageyama didn't want to go back there. He didn't think he would ever go back there. If Tsukishima was going to get him his- whatever he had left there then he didn't think he was going to join him.

But he should. Even when he knew that Tsukishima was just saying it. He should if Tsukishima decided to go back, because he knew that it would be hard on Tsukishima to go back there alone.

And she would be there, at the bottom of the stairs, smirking so sharply as the blood dripped the down her face.

"We'll be taking our leave," Sawamura bowed, and they returned it.

"Ah, Sawamura-kun." Akiteru turned to him. "Actually, I'll go back myself. I want to spend a bit more time here. It's been a while since I talked to my little brother."

Sawamura nodded his head, and Akiteru had taken it upon himself to walk him to the front door since Tsukishima was occupied with Kageyama.

He wished Akiteru would just leave. He didn't know how much he had left within him to keep the truth from slipping out of his mouth. Whether it'd be exhaustion or just fear, he knew that something was going to push it out of him.

Akiteru walked back into the room, and he seemed to be way more relaxed when it was just the three of them. Kageyama supposed he should see this as a good sign, but all he wanted to do was to close his eyes and not see anything at all. He didn't want to try to perceive anything.

"I think I need to lie down," he said quietly to Tsukishima who was still holding him.

"Okay. Let me take you to the bedroom."

Kageyama looked down to his hand, and then up to Akiteru. "Oh, Akiteru-san. Your handkerchief."

It was wrinkled from his hand balling and clenching it, but Akiteru took it from him, folded it and put it inside his pocket with a smile on his face.

"I can wash it-"

"No need to, Tobio-kun," Akiteru cut him off.

"Thank you, Akiteru-san." He bowed his head. "And I'm sorry, but I need to rest."

"Please don't apologize, Tobio-kun. Take your time to rest," Akiteru replied, stepping towards him to ruffle his hair gently.

Kageyama felt like crying again. He didn't exactly know why. He could feel the tears gathering in his eyes, threatening to fall down once again. But he was aware of them this time. He wasn't sure why he wanted to cry again. Maybe Akiteru's comfort was painful to him.

But he had also wanted to cry back then when his aunt locked him out when he was twelve. And he had wanted to cry back then in the hallway of his aunt's house with scratches on his skin when he was sixteen. Both times he had wanted to cry, but he had stopped himself.

And now that he was twenty-one, leaning against his lover, being held by him, he decided to let the tears out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wee woo last part!

When Tsukishima started to visit the coffee shop where Kageyama worked at, his dear friend, Hinata, had told him that he was obsessed. Tsukishima had to disagree, of course. Visiting the coffee shop everyday in every chance that he got just so that he could see the quiet and handsome barista who he had never even talked to didn't mean that he was obsessed. Hinata was just stupid.

The several times he was there, together with Hinata and Yachi, Yamaguchi's girlfriend, were really just them going there to see and bother- which was mostly Hinata's part- Yamaguchi. The freckled man almost kicked them out one time for making a ruckus- which again, was Hinata- and while everyone was talking, Tsukishima's eyes had fallen on Kageyama.

He supposed it was mostly a physical attraction. At first it really was about Kageyama's dark blue eyes, and his slick black hair, and his tall figure. It was staring at Kageyama's back as he worked on a customer's order, and his hands wiping down the coffee machines and counters, his voice calling out the names of the customers. And then it was the way he'd spelled Tsukishima's name incorrectly, the way he bowed his head as he thanked people for coming, and how he was always so quiet and focused.

And then it was the way Kageyama had been staring at him too.

He didn't say anything about it. Didn't have the guts to confront Kageyama nor to ask him about his staring. He was afraid that Kageyama would throw the question right back at him and he wouldn't know what to answer.

His friends were, of course, quick to notice his focused attention that he had given Kageyama even when the black-haired man didn't even ask for it. Yachi had encouraged him to go talk to Kageyama, to make some short conversation, knowing very well that Tsukishima didn't have the skill to do that. Yamaguchi had been so excited about it, and he could not stop teasing Tsukishima as if they were in high school. Hinata had looked at him confusedly. "So you actually can _like_ someone?" he'd said, a gasp and a hand on his chest.

But he still didn't do anything with his ever-growing crush towards Kageyama Tobio- _such a nice name,_ he'd thought- and he kept watching Kageyama for as long as he could until he had to leave to attend to some real life responsibilities that he had as an adult, but even then Kageyama never left his mind. He found himself thinking about seeing Kageyama outside of the coffee shop, wearing something other than the white shirt and the olive green apron.

It was strange. To make up someone's presence in the crowd was strange.

"You're obsessed," Hinata had told him.

"And you're stupid," he'd said.

Despite Tsukishima's reply, Hinata had laughed and said, "But you didn't deny what I said."

He'd started to learn little things about Kageyama, like how attentive he was with everything that he was doing, whether it was cleaning or making drinks. And how he would hide a yawn with his elbow, and when nobody was around, he would just yawn openly. Also the way he would frown at a complicated order.

Maybe it was bad. To like someone he had never even talked to this much. So why not add the weight of his feelings more by talking to Kageyama?

And so one day, he placed his drink down on the counter and looked at Kageyama, who was already looking at him.

"Is there something on my face?"

***

"How is he?"

Tsukishima ran his hand through his hair, not caring if he had messed it up or not. He looked at Akiteru, waiting for his reply about Kageyama's condition, and he just wanted him to leave, to go away. Akiteru was always welcome in his apartment, obviously, but he just couldn't have his older brother here. Not now.

He didn't ask Kageyama about how his questioning went with Akiteru, and Kageyama didn't ask about his either. The moment he guided Kageyama to bed, the shorter man immediately climbed up and lay down. Tsukishima wanted to know, he had to know, but he knew not to ask Kageyama about it. He only wiped the tears on Kageyama's face wordlessly, kissed his temple and left the room.

He wanted it to be over. He wanted to join Kageyama under the covers and sleep the day away. Maybe he could pretend for a while that it was all a nightmare, and he would wake up tomorrow without remembering what he had dreamt about. He wanted that for Kageyama.

"You saw," he said, motioning towards the direction of the bedroom. "He's not feeling great."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Akiteru asked.

"He didn't want me to. He said that he didn't want to be a burden- can you believe that?"

"How about his sister? Does she not know?"

Tsukishima looked over his shoulder to the hallway that lead to his bedroom. Often times he thought of it as their bedroom. His and Kageyama's. He'd dreamt of it, many times before. He wanted live together with Kageyama.

He looked away, exhaling heavily. "She doesn't."

"How can she not know?" Akiteru pressed.

"I don't know," Tsukishima said through gritted teeth. "He told me that she knew their aunt was unstable. She knew that she was mean, and she thinks that was her only problem."

"She hit Tobio-kun," Akiteru whispered. "He told me that it had been going on for a long time. Was his sister not present when it happened the first time?"

Tsukishima frowned, then he walked to the couch and dropped his whole weight on to it. It creaked under him, and he thought of the way Kageyama climbed up the bed earlier- the way he fell to it and stayed like that.

He thought of the way Kageyama's aunt fell down the stairs after Kageyama pushed her. How she had stayed there.

He frowned at his own thoughts.

"Kei?" Akiteru followed him.

"Look," he said, swallowing down a lump. "I assume that Tobio didn't tell you anything about his sister?"

"He told me that she's in Tokyo, working as a hairdresser."

Tsukishima nodded his head slowly.

"What is it?" Akiteru asked. "Is there something else that I need to know about?"

Tsukishima looked up at his brother. His eyebrows were pulled down and so were the corners of his lips. He looked at him and thought that there was a lot of things that Akiteru needed to know, as a detective working on a case. But as an older brother to one Tsukishima Kei? Who also happened to be in love with one Kageyama Tobio? Akiteru didn't need to know anything else.

Maybe not the part where they had killed Kageyama Ayane. Akiteru didn't need to know that.

But Kageyama Miwa, maybe it wouldn't hurt to tell Akiteru. It should be okay, right?

"His sister is not doing well in Tokyo," he started quietly. "She was in a relationship and it ended badly. Being a hairdresser doesn't pay you that much and she has to work multiple jobs."

Akiteru sighed heavily. "And he doesn't want to be a burden," he finished it for Tsukishima.

"He doesn't." Tsukishima shook his head. "I told him that he can rely on me, and he does, but it almost looks like he doesn't want anything to change- and I know that's not it."

"It can be scary for some people," Akiteru said. "When you have spent most of your life being in the presence of such an abusive person, good things can feel a little overwhelming."

"I know," he replied quietly. "I try to ease him into it. I always try to."

"He told me that she was an alcoholic, and Namikawa Yuki also told us that she would hear noises from the house."

"She was drunk last night."

"Yeah. He also told me that she came at you with a broken bottle in her hand. Did she hurt you?"

Tsukishima placed his hand on his forehead, rubbing it slowly as he said, "No. I pushed her into another room and locked her in."

He saw Akiteru nodding his head, then he sat next to him, dropping down in the same way that he did earlier. It reminded him of his younger days where Akiteru would come home late from school because he had practice with his volleyball club, and then of the days where Akiteru would stop by his place and plop down on his couch to complain about his work.

Tsukishima wished that he would complain again this time. He wanted to hear Akiteru say that he didn't want to work on this case, that it was too complicated, that it was exhausting- even if it was a mere lip service, Tsukishima didn't care. He didn't know how to explain it, but he thought that it might help to ease his mind even for a few seconds.

He knew that Akiteru loved his job. He had always given it his one hundred percent. But he would do anything right now so that Akiteru would work on this case half-heartedly. Cover his eyes and ears at things that were shown and said. Just this once.

"Remember when we were kids?" He heard Akiteru say next to him. "You would always tell me everything that happened in your day from A to Z. Like how the neighbor's cat gave birth to five kittens, and how one of the kids at the playground had worn his shirt inside-out?"

Tsukishima thought about it and remembered the exact kid. His name was Shouta, but he couldn't remember his family name. Something like Shinoda or Yamada. He remembered that Shouta had always been a klutz, and that he was always in a hurry. Wearing a shirt inside-out wasn't unusual for him. One time he had worn two completely different sandals to the park where they had planned to play with their friends.

"And one time you told me about the ice cream man not hearing you guys yelling for him to stop," Akiteru continued, and Tsukishima nodded, his hand falling from his forehead.

Said ice cream man didn't have a good hearing, and he would always speak so loudly because he thought his voice was too low for people to hear. Tsukishima always got so startled whenever he spoke to him. The other kids back then had always responded to him with the same loud volume.

"Almost lost both my hearing and my voice just to buy one thing from him," Tsukishima said, recalling the way he would always have to repeat his words louder and louder.

Akiteru let out a short laugh, so light and so dry. Tsukishima thought he had imagined it.

"Remember when you broke your glasses and you were so scared that Mom would find out, but still, you told me about it and asked me to fix it?"

"Yeah. And you didn't tell anyone about the glasses. Mom found out by herself."

"Uh-huh. You only told me."

"I did," he said. "I couldn't confide in anybody else."

"And you started telling Tadashi things."

"Because he's my only friend back then, and you were busy with school."

"Well, Tadashi isn't here right now." Akiteru turned to him. "And I'm not really busy right now. I will be. But not now."

When his eyes met with his brother's own pair, the pair that looked like his, just older, more experienced, he felt himself being pushed down into the couch. Slipping between the cushions and suffocating.

His brother wasn't looking at him like how he would when they were kids. Not like how he had looked at him when he arrived here earlier with Sawamura Daichi. And not with the soft eyes he had shown after the questioning was done.

These eyes were the same eyes that would look at him when he just said something mean or crossed the line. These eyes weighted his chest down and made it hard for him to breathe, yet they squeezed the apology out of him. But right now he didn't know what they wanted him to say.

He knew, he actually did. But how would Akiteru know that he had something else to pull out of Tsukishima?

"Okay," he breathed out, willing himself to not break the eye contact.

"Kei." Akiteru straightened his back. "There's something else you're not telling me."

"Well, there's nothing else to tell you," he replied immediately.

_"Kei."_

"What?"

"Just tell me what it is."

Tsukishima's eyebrows scrunched. "Nii-san, I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"Tell me what happened last night." Akiteru leaned forward.

Tsukishima sighed harshly. "Tobio called me last night, saying that his aunt was drunk and she-"

"I didn't ask to hear a lie," Akiteru said. "I want you to tell me what _happened_ last night, because I know for a fact that what both you and Tobio-kun have told me is not the truth."

His stomach twisted, and he clenched his fists to stop himself from clutching his stomach and falling forward in pain.

"It's the truth," he insisted.

"Do you really think I'm stupid, Kei?" Akiteru hissed. "She came at you with a bottle? And you locked her in? How on earth did she manage to get out of the room?"

"I don't know! She must've found something to open the door with."

"In a drunken state? And what are you going to tell me next? That she fell down the stairs because she was drunk?"

His throat closed up, and his heart started to beat against its cage like a wild animal. Last night he had felt like something was chasing after him, and right now he felt like that something had cornered him. He had nowhere else to run.

The image of a big predator looming over him crossed his mind, but it wasn't taking form of Akiteru. It wasn't Akiteru. It was something behind Akiteru, staring at Tsukishima with its dark eyes.

He had seen himself, his hand gripping a broken bottle.

There wasn't a single crack or a crevice that he could slither his way out of. He was stuck, and he had gotten himself stuck. He saw the bait and took a bite.

His eyes dropped down to his hands. His knuckles were turning white, and his bones were pushing and pushing against his pale skin. He could feel everything he had inside of him trying to tear their way out of his body. Like unraveling a loose thread on the hem of a sweater. Slowly, but so precisely, it was opening up and revealing what's underneath.

"Kei," Akiteru whispered. _"Please,_ just tell me what happened."

Hanging by a sharp hook on his mouth, he finally said, "You're going ... to listen to me as my brother."

"What?"

He looked at Akiteru again. "You're going to listen to me as my brother, like back then. You're not Detective Tsukishima right now."

"Kei-"

"I'm only going to tell you if you promise me that you won't say a word about it. Ever. Otherwise you'll have to settle with our statements," he said, his voice heavy but cracking.

Akiteru furrowed his eyebrows, but then he nodded his head hesitantly.

Tsukishima shut his eyes for a moment, and his glasses felt heavy on his face. He took them off, then he pinched the bridge of his nose. He thought about it- how was he going to say it? In what order? He didn't know.

He thought about it.

Thought again.

And again.

If he breathed even one word, there was no way of going back. Even if there was, he didn't know what was he going to come back to. What could be waiting for him and Kageyama after this? He wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

He swallowed, and the way the knot in his stomach twisted made his toes curl.

"She hit Tobio- she had been hitting him," he paused, opening his eyes slowly, then almost unconsciously, he touched the skin under his right eye. "She hit him, and there's a bruise on his face."

He tried to focus his eyes on something in the room, of something in the present, but all he could see was the replay of what happened last night. It was etched behind his lids, and he tried to blink his eyes to get it away. Rapidly. He wanted it to be gone.

"He left the house and then called me. I came and met up with him, and I saw the bruise. He was so cold, so I gave him my hoodie," he continued, feeling the way air seemed to turn into bubbles inside of him.

They were popping, one by one, and it made him feel so fucking sick.

"He had been in a worse condition, physically- last night was the last straw." He scrunched his face. "It was the last straw for the both of us. He has had enough of her, and I just couldn't see him being in that state over and over again."

"Kei-" Akiteru cut himself off, and Tsukishima glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

A haze. Blurry. Tsukishima couldn't see him, and that had always made it easy for him to speak.

"He suggested that we should do something," he said.

Akiteru's lips parted open, Tsukishima could see that, and his eyes widened- Tsukishima couldn't look away. He wanted to, but something had made his body still, and he couldn't stop the words from coming out of his mouth.

"But I refused the idea. I didn't want to do it, and I just wanted to get him out of that place. So we came back to the house, and we were going to take his stuff and just leave. I swear that's what we wanted to do."

He remembered the smell of alcohol in the air. It spread around the house- too empty and dark to be called one. He could smell it sometimes on Kageyama, and it bothered him to no end because it bothered Kageyama. It was his aunt following him everywhere and Kageyama hated it.

Tsukishima hated it because it made Kageyama feel miserable.

"His aunt was in the kitchen, fucking drunk out of her mind, and we went upstairs to Tobio's room. We were just going to get his stuff- we were- and she followed us, and she started screaming these horrible things to him."

He could hear her voice that seemed to tear the air, and his face started to distort at it.

"I wanted to tell the police, but you know how this kind of problem is treated by them. And you- I couldn't even ask for your help because this isn't what you do."

"I could've done something."

"Could you really?" His voice raised. "You're a Homicide Detective- well, here you are!"

"Kei, please."

"I tried to tell her to go away, and she started pushing me, and I didn't want to hurt her, so Tobio tried to get her away from me but she slapped him- she hit him again. There was a cut on his lips, and she wanted to hit him with the bottle- I stopped her and took the bottle from her hand-"

Her hands. Veiny and sharp with her nails.

That night, he just wanted the two of them to get out of that house. He just wanted to get Kageyama out of there as soon as he could, and once he had taken a hold of that bottle, he couldn't stop. His muscles were so tense, so much so that he'd thought he was going to explode.

He saw Kageyama. The fear in his eyes. Match was thrown to a pile of flammable desires within him. There was the desire to make Kageyama happy, the desire to be with him for as long as he could, the desire to keep him safe.

There was one, the heaviest of all- the darkest. It was buried beneath everything else, but when the fire lit up, it had roared the biggest flame.

He had been pushing it down. Again and again. But once it resurfaced, he didn't try to pull it down. Once he'd begun, he didn't stop.

"The bottle was in my hand, and I," he said, pointing to himself, "hit her head."

He could feel himself leaving that night as he blinked his eyes once, and there was Akiteru, staring at him, his brown eyes blown wide.

Tsukishima wondered if his brother had ever gotten scared or afraid of the cases that he investigated. Had those people who caused the homicides scared him? Had he ever been washed in fear as he looked at them? Or was Tsukishima the first one to do that? Because Tsukishima was scared of himself.

"And Tobio-" he started to cry as his lover's name left his mouth- "pushed her away. Down the stairs."

He pushed the heels of his palms against his closed eyes. He didn't want to cry, but he couldn't stop the tears.

"But it was the wound on her head, right?" Tsukishima looked up at his brother, and waited for a verbal confirmation.

But he didn't have to hear an answer to know that it was true, and he couldn't find anything to justify what he did. Everything was laid out bare in front of them. He could see it, and Akiteru could see it. There wasn't a way to change it.

"This wasn't what you do," he said almost breathlessly. "But now it is."

"Kei, I-" Akiteru choked up on his own words, clearing his throat. "Does anyone else know?"

"No." He looked down to his hands- _the same hands._ "Nii-san, why are you here?"

"Huh?"

"Is it really obvious? Did they call you because it's obvious?" he asked.

"There were too many things for it to be just a case of someone tripping over the stairs because they were drunk," Akiteru said quietly.

"And you look for Tobio because he lives with her."

"Also because I know him. I wanted to be the one to tell him, but someone saw your car last night."

"And you made the connection?"

Akiteru shook his head. "Not until I sat down and talked to Tobio-kun."

Tsukishima scoffed flatly. "What gave it away?"

"He's always so honest, so it was really obvious."

Tsukishima nodded his head, and they sat in silence. It was heavy, and he could feel the weight of it all crushing him. Of course, Akiteru could tell. He wondered if it wasn't Akiteru who had come, maybe Kageyama would've had gotten away with it.

And maybe Tsukishima wouldn't even try to come clean. Maybe. He wasn't quite sure. Just how long would he be able to lift the weight of the truth? He would have to tell someone either way. Maybe.

"What are you going to do now?" Tsukishima asked.

"Kei, you can't just-" Akiteru clenched his fist. "I don't know!"

"How long will it be for me until I get out?"

"What?"

"My incarceration," he said. "And can you please take care of him for me while I'm gone?"

"Kei, shut up!"

Tsukishima flinched, and he quickly looked over his shoulder just in case if they had woken Kageyama up. But there wasn't anyone in the hallway.

"What are you even talking about? _Your_ incarceration? Tobio-kun was involved."

"I killed her," he said. "I hit her head. Twice."

_"Kei, shut up! Don't say that!"_

"That's what happened!"

"Shut up. Don't say anything. Just _shut up."_

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes. "You asked me to tell you what actually happened, and there you go."

"And you asked me to listen to you as your brother," Akiteru said through gritted teeth. "What am I supposed to fucking do when you start to talk about going to jail? I can't just listen!"

"If I ask you to look away from the truth, will you listen to me then?" Tsukishima put his glasses on. "Both as my brother and the detective?"

He looked at Akiteru, and the distorted look on his face. It almost felt like looking into a mirror, but Tsukishima could feel his own expression melting down. Falling into desperation as he looked away from his brother.

When everything started to sink in deeply, something twitched in his brain. He bowed his head, unable to meet his brother's eyes. He could not make it go away.

He thought of the days in which he would be absent in Kageyama's life, and the days would turn into months, and then years, and eventually he would come back. His feelings would remain the same, and he could only pray with everything that he had that Kageyama's own feelings would remain unchanged. But what scared him the most was not being locked in behind the cold bars, rather that he would have to leave Kageyama alone.

Kageyama would be living in his apartment all by himself, and he knew it was going to be hard on Akiteru but he would have to visit Kageyama once in a while to check on him, just like Tsukishima had asked him to. Kageyama would continue to work at Yamaguchi's coffee shop, and it would take a lot out of him to tell their friends of what happened. Maybe his sister would come to Sendai to help around. But he didn't want that, though what he wanted mattered less in this very moment.

And his mother- oh, how heartbroken she would be if she found out that her youngest son had killed someone. He didn't like thinking about the endless tears that she might shed on the days where he would be away. And Akiteru had to be there to wipe them away, just to see more of them falling down.

"What did you tell Sawamura?" Akiteru asked after a long silence.

"The same thing that Tobio told you."

"Sawamura isn't stupid," Akiteru said, sighing. "Granted, he probably thinks I'm staying behind to comfort Tobio-kun."

"Is that stupid of him to think?"

"I don't know. He's kind, or maybe it's just me hoping that he'll be kind this time as well, but he'll probably connect the dots soon, or maybe he already did."

"That's just great, isn't it?" Tsukishima leaned his back against the couch.

He saw Akiteru scratching his head, frown deep as he looked around the room languidly.

"I'll see what I can do with him," Akiteru whispered. "I don't know if I can do anything at all though."

Tsukishima snapped his head to Akiteru, eyes widening. "Nii-san, are you- you're really going to do it?"

"The house is a crime scene," Akiteru said lowly. "Tobio-kun won't be able to come back for his stuff. Not until we're done, and it's going to take a while."

Tsukishima blinked. "Okay."

"Okay."

Akiteru stood up. He stayed on the couch. But then Akiteru turned to look down at him, and when Tsukishima met his eyes, his older brother spread his arms open. Waiting and silent.

Tsukishima felt his lips start to tremble, then he pressed them shut tightly. He rose from the couch, his body felt heavy as he stood. He was afraid that the floor would break under the weight that he was carrying. He took a few steps towards his older brother, into his open arms, and rested his head on his shoulder.

Akiteru hugged him and rubbed his back softly. For a second he was a kid again, being consoled by his older brother, and he knew right then and there that he would cry again.

"I'm sorry," he croaked out.

"Me too."

***

Kageyama was asleep next to him, his hand clutching the side of Tsukishima's shirt. It had been three hours after Akiteru left his apartment with red eyes. He looked down at Kageyama, and he knew that he had cried himself to sleep earlier. Tsukishima on the other hand, couldn't even force himself to let out tears anymore.

So there he was, in the bed with Kageyama, waiting for what would come next.

He had a hand brushing Kageyama's hair gently, careful so that he wouldn't wake him up. He wished Kageyama would stay asleep for a while so that he wouldn't have to watch Tsukishima leave. But then he thought that Kageyama waking up alone, not knowing where Tsukishima went would be just as bad.

He also didn't want to leave Kageyama. If it really was up to him, he would make it impossible for people to find his apartment even when they had been here before. Maybe tore themselves away from the world and be somewhere else- a place where it was just the two of them, falling asleep and waking up together.

His phone vibrated on the bedside table, and he looked over to see his brother's name displayed on the screen. He gulped, then he picked his phone up, not exactly knowing what he was going to hear.

"Hello?" His voice was hoarse, and he cleared his throat.

 _"Hey, Kei,"_ Akiteru greeted. _"You can go to the house and retrieve Tobio-kun's belongings."_

He blinked his eyes. "What?"

 _"And I think it'll be best for Tobio-kun and his sister talk about the funeral as soon as they can. Also, I already mentioned this to him, but tell him not to forget to contact Kageyama-san's ex-husband,"_ Akiteru said. _"Well, that is if they know how to reach out to him."_

Tsukishima shook his head, then he moved the phone away from his ear to see if he actually was talking to Akiteru through his phone, and it really was Akiteru. He pressed the phone against his ear, feeling the heat of it on his shell.

"Nii-san, wait-" he cut himself off, not knowing what to say.

He heard a loud creak from the other line, and there was a thud. The sound of Akiteru's sigh reached him, and he held his breath in.

 _"I had to tell Sawamura,"_ Akiteru said, his voice was much quieter this time. _"And it was difficult. He'd guessed that something else had happened. We had a little argument, but it doesn't matter."_

"Nii-san, are you-"

 _"Kei, listen,"_ Akiteru cut him off. _"There has to be a funeral for her, okay? I can't believe I'm saying this but keep the grieving act up for a while."_

"Wait, no- how did you convince Sawamura?"

_"He convinced himself. He told me that something like this happened before. I can't tell you much but it wasn't the abuser who was found dead. It was horrible."_

Tsukishima's stomach twisted, then his eyes glanced down at Kageyama who was already awake and looking up at him.

"Nii-san, give me a second." He placed the phone down on his lap, then he leaned down closer to Kageyama.

"Hey," he whispered.

"You told Akiteru-san."

Tsukishima was quiet for a second, then he nodded his head. "I did."

"He already knew even before you told him?"

Another nod.

"It's because of me," Kageyama said. "I'm sorry."

"We're going to talk about that later, okay? I have to talk to him right now."

"Can I listen to what he's saying?" Kageyama asked, sitting up from the bed.

Tsukishima grabbed his phone, and said, "Nii-san, Tobio is awake. I'll turn speaker on."

Kageyama scooted closer to him, their arms brushing against each other. He could see Kageyama trying to think of something to say, but he stopped when Akiteru greeted him from the phone.

"Hello, Akiteru-san," Kageyama said quietly.

_"How are you feeling, Tobio-kun?"_

"I don't know." Kageyama looked down. "Akiteru-san, I'm very sorry. It's my fault for dragging Kei into this, and now you as well. I'm really sorry."

 _"Both of you have to listen to me,"_ Akiteru said. _"This stays between us. You can't tell anyone no matter what. Tobio-kun, you can't tell your sister, and Kei you can't tell Tadashi, or any of your friends. And most importantly, you can't tell Mom."_

"Okay," he replied.

Tsukishima looked at Kageyama who was balling his fists on his lap. Tsukishima reached out to take his right hand in his, and Kageyama flinched before looking up to him.

He squeezed Kageyama's hand once, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles, and Kageyama opened his hand before gripping Tsukishima's hand back.

"Okay, Akiteru-san," Kageyama said.

There was a short silence before Akiteru spoke again, _"When I was a kid, I choked on a fishbone. This happened when you were a baby Kei, so you might not remember. I was so afraid because it hurt a lot, and Mom made me swallow balls of rice to make it go down."_

Outside, the sky rumbled.

_"I could feel it in my throat, and I thought it hadn't went down. Mom was so worried that it might've torn my throat, so she took me to the clinic to check if there was something wrong,"_ Akiteru continued. _"The doctor told us that there might be a small tear, but it's normal to get one. It was not life-threatening._

_"But I remember him saying that it can only be dangerous if it went down the wrong pipe and made its way into a lung, or if it tore my esophagus and caused an infection. I was lucky because it went down my stomach, and my system took care of it."_

The rain started to pour heavily, drowning out the sound of his heart beat that had been filling his head. He pulled Kageyama to him, searching for warmth as the room turned colder.

 _"I didn't want to say this but we're lucky. We're not going to be so lucky next time,"_ Akiteru said, and something inside of Tsukishima went cold.

"Nii-san?"

 _"No- I mean- sorry. I'm sorry."_ The sound of Akiteru's harsh exhale resounded from the phone. _"Fuck."_

"We won't need luck," Kageyama suddenly said. "Because there will be no next time. Nothing like this will ever happen again."

 _"Right,"_ Akiteru breathed out.

"Thank you, Akiteru-san." Kageyama bowed his head even though Akiteru couldn't see him.

 _"Please don't thank me, Tobio-kun. Just-"_ they heard another thud from the phone- _"take care of yourselves."_

"We will, Akiteru-san."

_"Kei?"_

"I know," he said, ending the call.

He threw his phone to the bedside table, and turned to look at Kageyama before pulling him into a hug. His body felt so weak, if he had been standing up, he surely would fall to the floor and stayed down there. But he held Kageyama in his arms, afraid that he would drown in this coldness that didn't come from the weather outside.

Kageyama's arms moved to embrace him, his hands clutching onto the back of his shirt. Tsukishima released a deep breath, he felt it rattling his bones before it left his body. He tightened the hug, desperately holding onto the anchor that would keep him up.

He knew that he would cry when Kageyama pushed him down to the bed so slowly, as if he was afraid that Tsukishima would break. He listened to the rain outside and thought that maybe he might break- he could break. He wanted Kageyama's weight to be the thing that crush him to pieces, so he pulled Kageyama down to his chest. Just like earlier today where they had slept on the couch.

"We're all right," he whispered to the air, to Kageyama.

Kageyama rose, hovering above him. His blue eyes, dark and wet stared into him. Kageyama touched his hair, his cheek, then he kissed him. A soft press of his lips.

"There's something that I need to tell you," Kageyama muttered against his lips.

Tsukishima reached up to touch his face. _I love you so much you have no idea,_ he wanted to say. These heavy feelings formed a cage, too small for their wings to spread, but it was okay, because they would be safe inside. And if they were to suffocate, let it be their feelings that would crush them. As long as they were together.

"Tomorrow," he said. "Tell me tomorrow. We have the time."

"Okay."

***

He heard rustling next to him, then the dull creak of the bed as a weight was lifted off of it. He cracked open his eyes, and they felt warm, hazy as they looked at the ceiling. The tired eyes blinked several times, blearily. His eyelids felt heavy, almost felt as if they were stuck. He took his time, staring at the white ceiling languidly, then he looked to his side.

Empty. He sat up, the bed once again creaked under his weight. He looked around the room and found the love of his life standing in front of the window. The curtain was opened, letting the moonlight pour over his lover's body. His figure lit up, a star in his room. His shadow was stretching on the floor, blending in with the darkness of the other side of the room. The side that wasn't graced by the moonlight.

"Tobio?" he called out, his voice a mere whisper.

The other man turned to look at him, his hair was sticking out to different directions, a mess from turning around in the bed. His black strands were shiny. Tsukishima wanted to run his hand through them. He wanted to feel them on his skin.

Kageyama looked pale in the white t-shirt he was wearing. His hands were pressed against the glass, and without his glasses, Kageyama's skin looked slightly blue under the light. Translucent. It looked as if he would go through the glass and into the night. And maybe he was just tired, but right then Kageyama looked like something out of this world. Like something that people wouldn't be able to see with naked eyes.

Kageyama Tobio, under the moonlight, looked hauntingly beautiful.

Tsukishima breathed in. "What are you doing?"

"I couldn't sleep," Kageyama replied. "Did I wake you? Sorry."

"No, you didn't." He shook his head.

"You should go back to sleep," Kageyama said.

"Then you should too."

"I can't."

"Why?"

Kageyama looked away, his eyes wandered back into the world outside. "I don't know," he whispered.

Tsukishima sighed quietly, throwing the blanket to the side. He got off the bed and walked towards Kageyama who was still watching the city. He stood behind Kageyama, his arms wrapping his middle carefully.

He felt Kageyama tensing, but then his shoulders slacked and he leaned his back against Tsukishima's chest. Tsukishima pulled him closer, resting his chin on Kageyama's shoulder. He looked through the window, the city lights appeared as blurry and shiny orbs in his eyes.

He had seen the city from the window frequently. Day and night, day and night. He could close his eyes and picture the view and it would be an accurate imitation of the real view. It didn't sweep him off his feet anymore, and so he decided to look at Kageyama's faint reflection on the glass.

"The city looks beautiful," Kageyama said.

"Yeah." He sighed. "What a view."

They both fell silent. Kageyama was still fixated with the world outside, while Tsukishima was trying to breathe in Kageyama's scent, his nose against Kageyama's slightly cold skin. Kageyama smelled like him. His shampoo and his soap.

Kageyama smelled just like him, and it made the pleasant feeling inside of him flutter.

"You said you can't sleep," he said against Kageyama's skin. "Why's that?"

He felt Kageyama flinching in his hold, but he didn't pull away. He wasn't saying anything. Tsukishima straightened up, spinning Kageyama around so that they could face each other. Kageyama didn't resist, but he still wasn't saying anything.

Just a few hours before, Kageyama had looked so happy when they met Tsukishima's older brother for dinner. He was getting used to Akiteru's presence, and it made Tsukishima happy. Though he thought that it would be nice if Akiteru would stop embarrassing him by sharing stories of him from their childhood.

"Tobio?" he called softly, his right hand tilting Kageyama's head up.

Their eyes met, a gentle beat of silence passing between them. Tsukishima looked at him, setting his focus onto whatever he could find in Kageyama's midnight eyes. He found exhaustion, a shaky sense of calmness. He found himself, a blurry color in Kageyama's irises.

"Will you tell me why?" he asked.

"It's just-" Kageyama cut himself off, his eyebrows twitching, eyes threatening to break their contact.

Tsukishima raised a single questioning eyebrow, encouraging him to continue.

"It feels weird to be here." Kageyama gulped. "It's weird to feel this way."

"Feel what?"

Kageyama shrugged. "Safe."

His chest tightened up. Something was swirling in his stomach, and it went up and up, drowning his organs. It reached his throat, and it started to close up. He cleared it once, and felt the muscle tightened.

There was something in the back of his throat, trying to find a way to either crawl out or drop down. It was pressing against his flesh- deeply embedded in it. It would leave a scar, but nobody would be able to see it. Not even himself. But he would feel it. A persistent itch in his throat.

"You have to get used to it," he said, his voice was quiet. "I want you to feel that way everyday with me here."

"How?" Kageyama's voice broke. "I don't know how to do it. It's so weird. Do I even deserve to feel this way? Do I even belong here?"

The itch grew even more prominent. He wanted to shove his hand down his own throat, to either scratch it or pull what was stuck in there. But if he pulled it out, there wasn't going to be a way to put it back in.

He couldn't swallow it. He couldn't spit it out. He had to leave it to remain there.

"You have to try because you belong here. This is where you're supposed to be," he replied, pulling Kageyama into a hug.

He felt Kageyama's arms returning the embrace, his fingers clawing the back of his t-shirt. Kageyama felt warm. Familiar. He felt like everything that Tsukishima had ever wanted to feel. Even the jagged edges and the sharp shards sticking out of his flesh- Tsukishima wanted all of him.

Even if he bled, as long as it was Kageyama that made him bleed, he wouldn't mind. In return he would have Kageyama fix him with his own skin sewn to his open wound.

_"You belong with me."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you for reading this, and thank you as well to those who were interested in this fic. Honestly, I truly enjoyed writing this series but it was really hard. I had planned an entirely different ending, but I figured out that the first initial ending would be too sad. I had to tweak a lot of things. Regardless, thank you so much for sticking with me and this story!
> 
> Please look forward to more of my writing, since I do plan on growing better! Thank you once again!

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was supposed to be the final part. I have planned it all out but it turned out I'm not very good at planning. If I put everything in one chapter, it's going to be too much and I just don't like the way it looks. So I decided to split the final part into two chapters. I was going to go with another part, but I settled with another chapter.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and I apologize.


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